You Found Me...

I have been singing this song by The Fray for at least a week now....Don't get me wrong. I like it, but I wish a new song would get stuck in my head. Now. But because it hasn't happened yet, I dedicate this post to The Fray.

So in my last post, I thought I would be updating frequently. Alas, it's been a month. I'll try to recap that month, though, with little rhyme or reason.

Let's see...

• Finally. A good concert in Arkansas. My roommates, boss, a couple people from the Methodist church, and I went to see Shawn McDonald and Leeland. Then, we got to meet Shawn McDonald. Side note--I knew Leeland is really young, but who knew he's married?? Crazy.

• Valentine's Day. As usual, I didn't have "a valentine," but it was a good day nonetheless. I did get to talk to/reminisce with Caleb, my "valentine" from freshman year of college. I must say, when I do have another valentine, he will be hard to top as he bought me Saved By The Bell, seasons 1 & 2 on DVD. What a sweetheart. That night we held a banquet for the youth to celebrate their completion of the True Love Waits curriculum. I hope the kids really got this message. I worry about them.

• Lock-in with the youth. Fun times, but a little too much sugar/caffeine left me feeling sick. Also, I was only able to manage about 2 hours of sleep the next day. Ugh.

• Weekend Immersion. We hosted a trip here in Booneville for some kids from Tulsa over the weekend of the 20-22. It was a great change of pace for me and Amy. I really enjoyed being able to share my life here with some other outsiders. I spent the entire weekend examining/evaluating my time spent in ministry here and came away with a little different perspective.

• Connie left. One roommate down. She returned home to deal with some health issues. So there are only two of us remaining. Which is cool. So far it doesn't feel too different because I manage to keep pretty busy most of the time. It is weird to have my own room, though. Still adjusting...

• We only have seven weeks left in Booneville. That is so hard to believe. While in some ways this will come as a relief, in others it will soon be a little disheartening. I've grown quite attached to some of the people here, and I love the pace of this small town. I feel like I have some unfinished business. But a year (actually 8-9 months) is short...

• Whitney Brown came to visit!!! I love friends. She got the full tour of Booneville.
  

• In other news, I'm going to be the site director in Raleigh/Durham, NC, this summer for YouthWorks. While I'm really excited about it...part of me wishes I could stay in Booneville. I won't dwell on that, though, because I'm always ready for a new adventure.

• One of my biggest accomplishments of the past month would have to be learning how to play chess. I am so excited that I can play now. Just another great lesson from the senior center...I love that place.

After three days of the forecast here calling for storms, it is finally raining. It's kind of peaceful, though. There is lots of wind and a little thunder...but it is kind of calming tonight. Sometimes I let my life become so crazy, that I am overwhelmed. Sometimes I need my own personal storm to release all the thoughts, emotions, and desires that I have been storing up. I think tonight is one of those times...

God has convicted me lately. I am petty. I am selfish. Just like Paul, I do the things I do not wish to do.

God has also shown me the extent of His love and His grace. Thank goodness for those attributes. Thank goodness my God hasn't given up on me yet and never will. I'll never be worthy. I know this. But I do hope that my capacity for love keeps growing. I want to love people more and more. I want to love my neighbor as myself. I want to love myself. Most of all, though, I want to love my God. My God who loves me and pursues me with a crazy love.

This has been a year of pruning. I can feel God cutting away at my branches. He is getting rid of those that bear no fruit. There are a lot more to go...I am nowhere near where I need to be. It's tough and it's painful, but hopefully I will keep becoming more like my Savior...because to be like Him is to be the best version of myself. I hope one day I will have more to give. Right now I feel so empty, but I know Christ will fill me up again. It is a gradual process. I am impatient person, but I know that this process is worth the wait...