And 2010 is off to a slow start...

I need to learn to be content. Instead of being happy with where I'm at now, I spend far too much time dwelling on the past or dreaming of the future. Here I am, 23 and living in Japan. I don't feel like I am taking full advantage of the opportunities I have been given through this job. Everyday, I find myself being envious of the lives I see others living rather than being thankful for my own. I don't give God my time. I don't give God my trust. How do I break these thought patterns that I have spent the past months laying out?

"I miss my friends all the time. I'm tired of being alone. I wish I had people to enjoy Japan with. I want to make new friends. I don't know how to make new friends. All the cool people I have met don't live near me. Do I want to spend the time and money to go to them? If I do, will they actually become friends to me? Maybe I shouldn't put myself out there. I miss my old friends. Maybe I'll just stay home."....One never-ending cycle in my mind.

The next...."What am I going to do in August when this job ends? I love Japan. Part of me wants to stay. The other part of me does not. I am too lonely. But then again, will that change wherever I go? I don't have a hometown to return to. I don't have one place with friends to return to. And what will I do for a job? Do I really like teaching? Can I continue to do this? Would I be happier in the States or should I find another job abroad? Part of me wants to return to the States, but I don't want to teach. I don't want to feel trapped. I want a job that I can leave at anytime...because I don't yet know what I want to commit to....What am I going to do?"

What should I do when Romans 8:28 just sounds way too cliche? What is my purpose? I know I'm not the only one who feels like I have or will miss it, but still....I do.

Maybe it's just the winter. Maybe I've been spending too much time huddled up inside by the heater. Only two more months of that, right? I hope the explanation is as simple as that....